THE ART OF SERVICE AND RECONCILIATION
I had a choice to make. Would I continue my mom’s legacy and honor her memory by living the way she lived? Would I also learn from her mistake of not making sure her own soul was refreshed? (After all, one must learn to receive to give more, right?) The answers are a resounding yes. What she deposited into my life about relationships will stay with me forever, and I am reminded of it often.
From Relationship to Rift
Things weren’t always great between my mom and me, especially during my teen years. I remember three distinct times where we had pivotal moments in our relationship. The first occurred when I was twelve years old. We had a split-level home just outside of Baltimore, Maryland. Our basement was a half basement with a room my dad and Pop Pop (my grandfather) had built. I was laying on the sofa in that half basement watching TV. My mom had given me some kind of command, and I said, “NO!” As a good southern mom would understand, there was no room for disrespect in the mother-son relationship. Her reaction was swift with a hand coming toward me to slap me in my disre- spectful face (which I deserved). This had happened before, and I deserved it every time. However, my reaction this time was very different. I reached up and grabbed her hand, stopping its momentum. She tried to pull her hand away, and I didn’t let go. With that one action, I caused a rift in my relationship with her. Something changed in our relationship at that moment. I was stronger than she and I had proven it. Thus began a verbal struggle that lasted over many years.
It was not long after this when our family was driving in our Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme to a destination I do not remember. I had talked back to my mom, and she reached back over the seat to try and pinch the backtalk out of me. She had been successful many times, but my wily agility allowed me to dodge every attempt. My mother looked at my father and tried to solicit his help. I’ll never forget my dad’s next comment. “Hon, he is getting older and stronger. You will not be able to discipline him this way anymore. It’s not working.” Even though I had been spared the physical discipline from them after that day, other areas began to close in on me.
Let me stop and say, as parents, they did the best they could with my brother, myself, and my sister. I didn’t make it any easier for them to parent me. They were by no means perfect, and I definitely was not a perfect son. Through their strengths and weaknesses, they taught me so much about relationships. The way I was raised has made me the man I am today, faults and all. However, I needed to take responsibility for all of my actions, reactions, and relationships.
Whether it was night or day, or cold or hot outside, I don’t know, but there was one day that will be forever marked by a comment she made to me.